When I interviewed for a job recently, my mom constructed an offering to Jobu. She arranged some of my favorite items, along with my personalized cloth napkin and a whole chicken. Obviously, it worked. How else could I have been selected for the position?

If I ever got my hands on Anna Faris, I’d… well, let’s just say you’d hear about it on the news.

It’s been a while since Swine Flu (AKA Hamthrax) has been in the media, but I didn’t want the video to be lonely.

Awesome.

-joseph

I think we should see other people. Our relationship just isn’t working like it did in the beginning. I called you this morning to cancel service, and I took a few notes that I’d like to share with you.

I’m already pissed that canceling an account is perhaps the only thing I can’t do using the self-service web interface. When I’m forced to call customer service, and the automated attendant plays a message about long wait times (and suggests that I could solve my problem online), it makes me even more pissed.

I entered my phone number when prompted, why are you asking me for it again? If there was no match on that number, say so; you need to acknowledge that you’re asking me for the same information again.

I told you what my name is, why do you insist on calling me "Joe"? I’m not using the first, second, and fourth characters of your name, or any of our cutsie petnames.

Three to four minutes to cancel an account? Why, so I’m forced to listen to your upsell pitch? If you’re going to ask me sales weasel questions, at the very least listen to my answers — don’t skip to the next question on your script that obviously doesn’t apply.

I’m sure you’ll find your soulmate some day. Keep your chin up.

Love,

Joseph

I get all the media I have time for online through video sites, podcasts, and downloads. I’ve even let my NetFlix account lapse. I’ve considered getting a game console like Nintendo Wii or PlayStation (a Microsoft Xbox is out of the question, for obvious reasons). I love auto racing games, but I wouldn’t be satisfied a good force-feedback wheel and peddles. I don’t want to sink a whole bunch of time into playing games either. It’s funny how little time I spend in the living room now that the television set (a nearly 10 year old, 115 pound JVC AV-32D200) has been dormant. I haven’t looked on eBay or Craig’s List to see how much I could get for it, but I suspect the most interested buyers would use it for target practice. Is there any use for CRTs anymore? I can’t think of one.

Until yesterday, I hadn’t seen it since it first aired. For the record, I was just shy of 13 years old when it was broadcast. I remembered that Jesse Jackson left the show with the new car, but nothing about his commentary on Reaganomics and race/class inequality. Oh, how far we’ve come! Just kidding.

Note that the track names are all wrong. The original metadata didn’t include the title, so they are my best guess.