Sneaky Bastard

I was recently asked about scholarly books on the subject of swinging, AKA The Lifestyle. In fact, I’ve not read any conventional, published material on the subject. Of course, Couple Doing It has a fantastic website to explain what it’s all about to the “vanilla” world. Their great sense of humor and writing style make the content accessible to practically anyone.

So, I asked some of my friends, and did some research on my own. I have assembled a list of books on the topic (and some that aren’t) that may be helpful to someone that is interested in learning about The Lifestyle, but does not necessarily have any intention of participating. If you have comments about items on the list, or would like to add another reference, please post a comment or send me an e-mail. Thanks!

The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers

by Terry Gould (2000)

This appears to be a fairly serious investigative treatment of The Lifestyle. Some readers appreciated it, others didn’t. One reviewer offered, “if you have only a curiosity about it, this will tell you what you want to know in an unbiased, unvarnished manner.”

Together Sex

by Ed and Dana Allen (2005)

This book seems well reviewed by readers that offer some reasonable and coherent arguments. Oddly, if you view the scanned material (Amazon Search Inside!™), the same ISBN refers to a book copyrighted in 1976 by Ann and Ed Allen by a different publisher. It might be an honest mistake, but still, WTF?

Recreational Sex : An Insider’s Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle


by Patti Thomas (1997)

The writing style appears to be quite informal, and possibly something that can be read quickly. However, many reviewers that identify themselves as swingers attest to its accuracy.

A Private Diary: Our First Year in Swinging

by Jerry L. Moore (2005)

The gimmick of this book is that it’s written by a real couple as they entered The Lifestyle. Given that perspective, it couldn’t possibly provide the reader with a generalized survey of swinging. Some reviewers complained about the author’s writing ability. That seems a little harsh for a book with “private diary” in the title.

The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt (1998)

This book did not appear in my initial searching, but was identified by a couple in The Lifestyle that I respect greatly. From the many positive reviews, it appears that the content is more about polyamory and human emotion, than with swinging in particular.

The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People

by David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton (2002)

This book examines the difference between what the animal world actually does, and what we’ve been told that they do, with regard to monogamy and raising of offspring. I don’t know that the authors actually make any statements about whether humans should try to be monogamous or not. It seems interesting, but not actually related to The Lifestyle.

Open Marriage: A New Life Style for Couples

by Nena and George O’Neill (1984)

This is a book originally published in 1973, and reprinted in 1984. The content is dated and doesn’t address what we know as swinging today. This seems to be the most popular complaint of reviewers. However, I include it on this list for historical purposes and because I had heard about this book before doing any research on The Lifestyle recently.

I was logged in to Skype a couple days ago. While I was away from the computer, it received an instant message from a user “Security Center ®” with an important message:

I never use Skype for IM, so this was immediately flagged as bullshit before I read the content. Note that my computer is an Apple Power Mac G5 running Mac OS X — Microsoft® Windows® hath not touched this machine. Yet, somehow, this helpful message informs me that they’ve detected that my “system IS affected.” I viewed the user profile to see what other humorous bits of information I could glean:

Well, I guess the phishing script couldn’t be bothered to fill out the form completely. But just for fun, I decided to go to the website link from the message. It was only running for a couple days before somebody shut it down, but I was able to see a somewhat convincing “scan” of my “Windows System Files.” What do you know, my computer was “infected” with several cryptic Windows viruses. The good news is that the website offered FREE software to remove them. Well, isn’t that sweet.

I’m wary of giving these phishing kids any credit, but the Flash animation that simulated a running local program was done pretty well. I can see how a novice computer user would be suckered into installing whatever spyware/trojan/virus/rootkit the site had to offer. It’s no wonder that most computer experts estimate that there are more than 100 million compromised Windows computers sitting on the net, most being commanded by bot herders to launch attacks and send spam.