Sneaky Bastard

I get a lot of credit card applications in the post — probably 15 in an average week. I like to open them up, shred the parts with the actual application, and send everything else back in the Business Reply Mail (BRM) envelope. I try to give the USPS all the business I can. Also, I hate credit card marketers so very, very much.

Anyway, I noticed that these direct mail weasels have been printing envelopes with a barcode that is supposed to represent a “Customer Tracking Code” and the text “Attention: It is illegal to tamper with this envelope or its contents.” Um, yeah. Just like any other piece of mail. I assume they placed that there to grant more authority to the barcode nonsense.

So, if this customer code is so official and important, how is it that they send me the same envelope a couple times a week. Can’t they track the fact that I don’t apply for one of their credit cards? Even worse, they should already know that I’m going to send their BRM envelope back with assorted pizza coupons and used Kleenex® facial tissues. Also, I did some searching online to find that several other people have received the same envelopes with the same tracking code. Really? They got one of MY envelopes? Interesting.

The only reasonable explanation for this nonsense I can come up with is this: some marketing jerkoff thought it would be hilarious. I’m sure it was a big hit at the annual Marketing Jerkoff Conference.

I’ve had experience with barcodes in the past, unfortunately. So I know the difference between an ISBN and a UPC. The use of barcodes is pretty interesting from a manufacturing perspective. There are lots of specifications and creative implementations. However, this credit card customer tracking barcode does not comply with any specification I could find. There aren’t any popular symbologies that come close.

Take a look at the printing too. What kind of ‘tard would print a barcode with a halftone screen of gray spot color? Why not go all the way and print it with wavy lines that vary in thickness?